You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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