Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
