You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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