so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got inside last night via doggy door
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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