Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
