it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
