Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
