you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
