Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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