He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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