Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
