i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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