So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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