i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
