okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
