my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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