Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
