I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
