I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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