He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
