i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
