I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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