then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
