Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
