This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
