He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
