can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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