I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
