ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
