Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
