You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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