I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
