I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I checked into jail on foursquare
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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