I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
