dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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