but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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