I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
