It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
