I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
