Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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