I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
