when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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