did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She bit a glass in half.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
