just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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