how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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