Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
