Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
