I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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