There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
