You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
