why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
