He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
