well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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