I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
