bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm too high and old for this...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
