cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
