So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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