I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
