So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
