pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
