C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
