ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
