Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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