put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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