bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
