We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
