i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
