Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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