I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
