By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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